Broken Heart?

Its confusing how I feel sometimes. I had a boyfriend that I say broke my heart. I really don't know what he did to me, I just haven't recovered from him and its been two years. I think of him always, and long to be with him constantly, to the point of great gobs of tears sometimes. You would think that at my age, I would not have these intense gooey feelings toward anyone, but I do. My heart opened to this person very intensely, he is such a sweet soul. I really fell for him so hard. He gave off this intense bad boy exterior, but when I got close, he was soft, sweet, and very gentle. Oh, I really didn't need that, just wanted him so much more. He and I worked together and were around eachother almost two years before we went out on our first date. That first kiss just melted me to the ground. I guess I fell madly in love with him, but he is not ready for anyone. It took only six months to ruin my heart. He went on to break others hearts after mine. Falling for others, and moving on after a few months. I so hurt, and want to hold him in my arms, some wonderful skin affection. I hope he find his true love, and is gloriously happy. I wish only love and happiness for him. I love him so much I could never hurt him or wish him harm. I hope to move on though, so that I can be happy. I deserve happiness too.

Home Reflected

Dating for me

This is the break down and scenario:
I meet guy and have an interest. We talk and go out a couple of times, or manage to talk together a few times. Interest seems mutual. I get awesome complements, texts, emails  we go out on dates, lots of talking. I respond positively and start opening up to them. Things seem to be going well. A week or so into it. I read on facebook or just have the guy tell me or someone that knows them tells me that they are dating someone they just met. Oh, they are so attached to this new somebody that I am forgotten. No more text, no more dates, no more emails, no more effort for me, in fact, they won't even talk to me again even if we run into each other. Its like they think nothing of me what so ever. They have found somebody and its not me, haha. One even dropped me for a gay girl that had no interest in him. I've had those that I like enough to be sexual with, then they run away like scared rabbits. Bye, it was good for the moment, never to be heard from again. What did I do to them. I remain confused over this. I have been repeatedly rejected by men I have dated since I got divorced over 11 years ago. I am beginning to think that men really don't like me. I tried to think it is not rejection, just not finding the right somebody. But, your know what, men are rejecting the hell out of me. I don't seem to be compatible with anyone. Maybe my husband was the only guy I will ever be connected to in a meaningful way. This saddens me.

I did manage to date a few times for over three months. One stopped dating me suddenly, and his daughter said he had gotten married to someone, while he was dating me. I broke off the relationship with the psychiatrist because I am not happy having someone yell at me. He would call or come over to start an arguement, daily. Another would watch me and cut me looks at work when I was talking to anyone except him, female or male, but would not let me talk to him either. Are all men insane? What a depressing thought. The whole dating, having a male conpanion/ best friend is just a dream, or maybe my time is up and I did all I could with my ex. Anyway, my hopes are dashed, and I feel like giving up the whole idea. I am really disappointed in the quality of the men in this world. They all seem to be out of their minds, bonkers, isnane, stressed out, and crazy.

Maybe its just me.


P.S. To quickly get rid of a guy... have sex with them after dating for months, or don't have sex with them and they leave anyway. I used to say I love you to them to make them go away... now all I do is wait and watch them leave without doing anything. They always leave, I'm pathetic.