Changing?

Lately a great deal of my depression seems to have lifted. I am seeing myself becoming more friendly with the people at work. Laughing and joking with them freely without fear of judgement or reprisal. I didn't realize that I could be so outgoing. I've really had this intense shyness that threatened to envelope my entire life, like a black cloud that hovered over my head. Its been a struggle for me to get comfortable with anyone let alone become playful. I was pretty quiet throughout my marriage. I hardly ever got involved with anything. Although, I am still a loner away from work, I can see the change in me at work that I am hoping will work itself into my life in lots of other ways. Even though I am still having issues with shyness and revert back to my usual reclusive self   most of the time... There is a sense of hope :)

Hope?

For a long time I felt trapped in relationships with people...  struggling with a feeling of co-dependency. Then one day that all changed. I basically turned away from my friends and family to be alone. Learning to live alone was not at all easy. Seems that it would be easy, but the drama of family life is sort of an addicting drug. A great distraction that helps to speed our lifetime away from our direct attention. I suddenly found myself struggling with my own inner demons so to speak. Depression and loneliness I suppose were the worse, but dealing with my health and learning to take care of my own financial needs was also a great challenge. I believe that I am maturing into a routine that is healthier and more relaxed in many ways. I still feel sad sometimes that what I had hoped to become is nothing like what actually occurred in my life. My dreams are more of a disappointment than success. At least I feel a sense of freedom starting to emerge and a little hope seems to be trying to sprout... I may get through this after all.