I've had a lifetime of trying to come to terms with my mother. I don't talk about her since I never want to sound whiny or unapreciative, and I don't really want to bother people with my baggage. Although, I wonder if baggage ever clears when it is stuffed away and never expressed. I want to try to express it. I think this blog will be a great way for me to express these feelings since each time I have placed this onto my computer, I have lost the files or the computer got a virus, or crashed. Hopefully, I will have a release with this.
I was a teen pregnancy by my mother, she was 17 and my dad 20. They dated a year or so, and my mother had young love for him. She got pregnant... end of story. Not exactly, She told my dad through hints that she was having morning sickness... which he proceeded to have no clue about the meaning. She hinted harder, still clueless. Weeks went by, she couldn't stand it any longer, she told him directly. That ended the relationship. He ran home, while spreading rumors around school that my mother was a slut, sleeping with other guys while they dated. Embarrased and ashamed, my mother dropped out of high school, locked herself in the house, and was told to get an abortion by her mother, my grandmother. After all she had her whole life ahead of her, she didn't want to ruin her life at such a young age. I would be that ruination. Meanwhile, my mothers brothers, my unkles, were ready at her defense, looking for my dad everywhere threatening to kill him, beat him, and destroy him for causing her so much pain. My family threatened a lawsuit for underage pregnancy and child support. His family got out the big lawyers and said its not our sons. Its not his, back off whore. My mother victimized, love crushed, and depressed, dropped all charges, and crawled into a hole to get through this tragedy. While still deciding on the abortion, she had an epiphany in the clouds over the back yard one day. Seeing a vision of Jesus in the formation of the clouds that caused her neck and arm hair to stand on end. She ran to her mother hysterical. This was a revelation to her that the baby was meant to be alive. She would carry the baby to term. She spent the next nine months secluded in the house. Not even her best friend knew what happened to her.
She gained only ten pounds during the pregnancy.. my grandmother usually forcing her to eat something. The day comes. Oh, the doctor at the charity hospital is off duty tonight. Here I come anyway. Nurse what do you do with a breech birth. Uh, don't know. Try to call the doctor again, this baby is not turning, trying to come out behind first. Doctor gets there a few hours later, just in time to repair the damage. Baby out, mother torn from clitoris to anus... have to sew her up.. that had to hurt. Poor mom. Good thing, 8lb 5oz. healthy baby girl.
... to be continued.
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